Law and Order: TTTVU
by snoopykid
Summary: Complete randomness…What happens when Charlie places Bella and Seth incharge of the Forks Police Station for a week? What happens when Bella conducts her own murder investigation? Why are the Cullens in jail? Read and Find out! Randomness ensues for sure!
1. Chapter 1

Complete randomness…I do not own Twilight or Law and Order…this is just an insane randomness at like…really late at night. In fact this really radical insane idea came up from part of Sesame Street really. So when you read ***CHUM CHUM* **think of the transitions when watching Law and Order…anyway this is a crack fic so if you want to flame then flame away!

**Law and Order: TTTVU**

In the criminal justice system, sexually-based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. But this is not their story…and does not take place in New York City…and the crimes are not exactly as heinous as sexual offences otherwise this would be an M rated story instead of T rated…so instead:

In the little town of Forks there are two detectives that will investigate a vicious felony; they made up an elite squad known as The Twilight Truck Victim Unit. This is their story…

**12 pm **

**Forks Police Station**

***CHUM CHUM***

Bella and Seth wondered around the police station as Charlie was about to leave. With no one else to run the station he put his daughter and Seth through a vigorous high intensity emergency detective/police crash course that took a month's time to complete, "So you guys remember what do right?"

Bella smirked, "Sure dad relax; photographic memory remember?" She tapped her head.

Charlie let out an uneasy breath…he was still on the need to know basis of his daughter's life, "Right. So I will be back next week. Seth…Bella…good luck."

As they watched the car pull out of the station Seth turned to his sister-in-law, "Want to play cards?" He pulled a deck out of his back pocket…although he wondered why she chose him to be her partner instead of Edward or even Jacob.

Bella laughed and went to her father's desk and pulled out a file that said confidential on the front, "No Seth we have a murder to solve and suspects to arrest."

"Wait what?" He asked not sure if he heard correctly.

"You heard me let's go I will explain on the way." With that she pulled Seth out the door.

**1:00 pm**

**Cullen Mansion**

***CHUM CHUM***

The Cullens and Jacob were sitting in the living room watching a movie with Nessie, "Look Jakey! I bet Balto could beat you in a dog sled race!" Nessie laughed as Balto crossed the finish line with the medicine.

"He could probably beat Jake at anything!" Rose laughed.

"Yea yea laugh it up blondie!" Jake retorted sarcastically.

Edward smiled as he watched his brothers and sisters banter with his ex-rival, but he missed Bella sitting next to him. He knew that she was at the station helping Charlie out but he still missed her.

It was then that there was a knock at the door and everyone looked to Alice, "What? I am blind with the wolf here."

"I cannot hear anything." Edward responded looking confused also.

Carlisle shrugged and went to answer the door, "Oh Bella…Seth come in."

"MOMMY!" Nessie shouted and ran to hug her mother.

"Hello baby girl." Bella smiled returning the hug.

"What are you doing here love?" Edward asked getting ready to hug her as well, but Bella pulled away.

"I am working Edward."

"Oh? Then why are you here?" Jasper asked as he felt confusion from his family, awkwardness from Seth, and smugness from Bella.

Bella smiled, "Because we are arresting you all under the suspicion of murder."

"WAIT WHAT?" They all shouted standing up.

"Yup that is right. You all have the right to remain silent…" Bella started.

"Anything you say and do will be used against you in the court of law." Seth added in a careful voice as if unsure this was necessary.

"Who exactly did we murder?" Emmett asked.

"You have the right to an attorney." Bella said as if she did not hear him.

"If you cannot afford one then one will be provided to you." Seth finished.

"Do you understand these rights as we have read them to you?" Bella asked smiling like the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland.

Rose was mad, "No we bloody well do not understand! Who the hell do you think we murdered?"

"Love?" Edward asked looking at her as if question her sanity.

Bella smiled and he went rigid as she spun him around. Before he realized what was happening she placed the cuffs on him, "You know who. You all know who." Turning to Seth she said, "Get the others and tell them to place all of them in the truck with the exception of Nessie. Come on sweetie."

Nessie followed her mother unsurely as Alice asked, "Wait others?"

Jake looked up to see Paul, Embry, and Quil entering the house, "What the hell you guys doing here?"

"Helping." Quil said cheerfully.

"Why?"

"We were bored and there was nothing else to do on a Saturday," Paul stated having fun as he hand cuffed Jake, who was trying to break-free.

Emmett was also trying to break-free, "Gah! Why won't these things break damn it?"

Bella smirked, "Because they are made from the hardest and vampire/wolf proof substance in the world curtsy of the Volturi!"

"This really sucks!" Jasper yelled.

"Shut up and quit complaining Major!" Quil ordered.

"Yes sir!" Jasper stood rigid and allowed to be led out to the truck.

Alice watched stunned, "What the hell Jasper?"

"Alice stop complaining and let's just get over to the station." Esme said disappointed that her daughter-in-law would think that she would murder someone.

"You aren't serious are you?" Rose asked astounded as she growled at Embry.

He smirked, "I can right you up for resisting arrest if you prefer."

"Rose…" Carlisle said in a warning voice. He also thought this was rather ridiculous.

"Fine."

Nessie was in the car with Edward riding in the back and Bella driving, "Mommy, Daddy and everyone are not really murderers are they?"

Before she could answer Seth's voice came on the radio, "Bells we are ready to roll."

"Roger that," she said back and flipping on the siren she turned to Nessie, "Not all of them but I need a confession."

"What confession? We did not murder anyone!" Edward yelled from the backseat.

"We will see about that."

**2:00 pm**

**Forks Station**

***CHUM CHUM***

"Dude did you just hear that?" Emmett asked who stopped pacing back and forth in the cell.

"Hear what?" Jasper asked in return from his seat on the bench.

"I swear I heard a sound that is normally played on those cop shows on USA." Emmett said who was listening really hard.

Jasper looked at Emmett like he was crazy, "You really need a hobby bro,"

"No dude seriously I heard something! Do you know what I am talking about?" Emmett asked turning to Edward.

Edward glared, "I frankly do not care."

"But-" Emmett was about to protest.

"Em shut up please." Carlisle said standing in the corner. Prison really did not suite him that well, _hell I am a well-respected doctor and I am sitting in a cell_. Edward snorted at his thoughts.

"Oh my god! Carlisle said shut up!" Emmett exclaimed.

"Dude do you have to be so loud?" Jake complained.

On the other side of the room were the girls, "Dear are you ok?" Esme called over.

"Honey do I look ok?" Carlisle called back.

"No…"

"Then why did you ask?"

"I was concerned."

Carlisle looked at her, "How are you doing?"

"We want to get out of here!" Alice yelled.

"Don't we get a one phone call or something?" Rose yelled.

Bella watched amused from the other room, "So who you interrogating first?" Seth asked. Paul, Embry, and Quil took Nessie to get some ice cream and said they would be back later.

"Put Carlisle in room one and Esme in room two." Bella said.

Seth grinned he remembered seeing a TV show that had something like this, "Musical Interrogations?"

"Oh yes." Bella smiled walking away.

Entering the cell rooms Jake asked Seth, "Coming to bail us out?"

"Nope I am here for Carlisle and Esme." He unlocked one cell to let Esme out then the other to let Carlisle out.

"Wait why not us?" Rose asked.

"It is not your turn yet." Seth grinned.

"Wait." Carlisle said stopping. Esme and Seth stopped as Carlisle faced his 'kids', "First before we go anywhere…you sure you guys did not actually murder anyone?"

"YES!" They all yelled.

"Ok making sure…" With that they walked out.

The group sat there thinking and Alice asked, "You do not think this is about-"

"No…can it?" Edward answered then questioned automatically.

"If it is…sorry Edward but I am killing your wife." Rose threatened.

Emmett looked at Rose, "Wait did you just confess to murder?"

"No, she is confessing to pre-meditated murder." Jake supplied.

"Guys can we please stop talking about murder?" Jasper moaned.

"But seriously who did you guys murder?" Emmett asked. Alice, Edward, and Rose gave him a look that clearly said 'shut up!'

In the meantime in Room One…

"For the last time I did not touch your truck, Bella is this really necessary?" Carlisle asked. Bella had been drilling him for fifteen minutes non-stop. She made every accusation from jealously of the poor Chevy Truck to being an insane safety freak as his son…Edward.

"Yes it is! I loved that truck and it was a good truck…it did not deserve to be murdered!" Bella yelled, "Now where were you on the night of June 20th 2010?"

Carlisle sighed, "I told you I was hunting with Esme. We went to Yellow Stone and came back two days later. Can I go now?"

Bella looked at him as she was picking up the papers and placing them in the file getting ready to leave, "No stay were you are."

Before she walked out, "Wait if I gave you a lead can you let Esme and I go?" Carlisle suddenly asked. If he could perhaps get a plea bargain then this would all be over.

"I am listening…" Bella said turning slowly.

"When we came back that night two days after the supposed murder, Edward was feeling extremely happy about something and he was thanking Rosalie." Carlisle said not feeling bad for selling is 'kids' out.

Bella nodded considering the Doctor's words, "I will take that into consideration." She walked out.

Carlisle sighed, "Oh heaven help us all."

In Room Two Esme was pacing. She was really nervous about being interrogated. Then when the door open she jumped, "Esme." Bella greeted sitting in her chair.

"Bella what is going on?" Esme asked.

"I will be asking the questions here," Bella said motioning for Esme to sit.

Esme sat as Bella pulled papers out of the file, "Do you recognize these?"

Esme looked at the photos. There was crime tape surrounding a truck in one, dust with finger prints all over it in the second, and finally there was picture of the truck being taken apart in the last, "Looks like crime scene photos of a truck." Esme answered carefully.

"Very good, do you recognize the victim?" Bella asked.

Esme re-looked at the pictures but found no body in any of the scenes, "I am afraid I cannot see anyone in the photos." She said uncertainly.

Bella looked at her and said in a low voice, "So you mean to tell me you do not recognize my precious truck?"

"Excuse me?" Esme gasped out.

Bella smirked and got up to walk around, "That's right. You could not stand the way my truck looked. You thought that it looked as hideous as a garden Nome, so you killed it!"

"I would never!"

"Fess up! Where were you the night of June 20th 2010?" Bella asked furiously.

Esme sighed to calm herself down, "I was hunting with Carlisle in Yellowstone. We came back home two days later."

"Did anyone else see you guys or did you run?" Bella asked.

"We ran."

Bella began to pace and sighed. Esme looked at her daughter-in-law carefully. She knew Bella like her truck and she also knew that Bella was devastated when it died (or in this case murdered). So she said, "If I gave you a lead, can you let Carlisle and I go?"

Bella turned and stared at her mother-in-law. Under law she has to let Carlisle and Esme go. They both had solid alibies, considering their story was not rehearsed and there was no way for her to hear the conversation she had with Carlisle; but not willing to let her know that she said, "What do you got?"

Esme sighed. She was not one to sell her 'kids' out, but in this case she would make an exception, "Before we left we heard Edward talking to Rose and Alice about cars and stuff, then when we got home he seemed pretty joyful about something. I thought he was happy about you two getting married until he started to clean and make Rose play with your 'pre-change' car."

Bella nodded and opened the door, "Alright." She led Esme out and opened up Carlisle's door, "Carlisle, you and Esme may leave. But I am keeping the kids here."

They nodded and as they passed the cells Emmett yelled, "Where you guys headed?"

"We are going home." Carlisle said simply.

"What about us?" Alice asked.

"You guys have to stay here for a bit." Esme said simply.

"This is injustice!" Rose yelled to their backs.

"I demand restitution!" Edward also yelled.

"I want my lawyer!" Jacob yelled.

"I want a cookie!" Jasper also yelled.

Everyone stopped yelling and looked at him, "What?" Jasper asked.

"A cookie?" Emmett asked.

Jasper nodded, "Yes I want a cookie. Do you know how long it has been since I had a freaking cookie?"

Alice sighed, "Jazz honey you know we are in jail right?"

"Yes."

"Then why the hell are you worried about a cookie?"

Jasper shrugged, "Everyone was yelling what they wanted so I yelled that I wanted a cookie."

Edward sighed, "And you know that even if you got a cookie you won't be able to enjoy because you can't eat it right?"

Jasper was silent for a minute and finally said, "Leave me and my cookie needs alone!" then he stormed into the corner of the cell.

"Dude he has issues doesn't her?" Jacob asked.

"I think it is the stress." Emmett supplied.

Rose sighed and looked at Alice who was shaking her head, "Is he going to be ok?"

"No one is going to be ok." Alice responded as the doors reopened and Bella walked in followed by Seth, "Jake you are next." Jacob gulped as he was led out of the cell.


	2. Chapter 2

BTW thanks for the reviews, alerts, and favorites. Just to let everyone know I made a boo-boo in the last chapter. Seth is Bella's step sister…I made Sue and Charlie married so yea…no in-law…step-sister. Sorry about that. Anyway onward yo-ho!

**Law and Order: TTTVU**

Bella walked in followed by Seth, "Jake you are next." Jacob gulped as he was led out of the cell.

**3 pm**

**Interrogation Room with Jacob Black**

***CHUM CHUM***

Jake looked around, "What was that?"

"I didn't hear anything." Bella smiled.

"You sure cuz I swear I heard a noise…" Jake trailed off.

Bella shrugged and listened closely, "Nope…nothing."

Moment of silence passed between them….

"So what are we waiting for?" Jake eventually asked.

As Bella was about to speak there was a knock on the door and Seth opened it, "Jake's attorney is here."

"Excellent." Bella said as Leah walked in.

Jake's mouth fell open as Leah sat in the chair next to him, "Say wha?"

Leah smirked at him, "My name is Leah Clearwater and I am your attorney."

Bella nodded as Seth left the room, "You were yelling earlier that you wanted a lawyer so we found you a lawyer."

"Wait since when are you a lawyer?" Jake asked still flabbergasted.

Leah smirked, "I'm not really…my dad was though awhile back, but he dropped out saying that he hated the political aspect of the job so I found his old books in the attic and read up on them this past month ever since Bella hinted that I would need it." Then she turned to Bella, "Now that my client has legal representation; I would like to know what his charges are?"

"Well I have reason to believe that your client is a suspect or accomplice of murder." Bella stated getting down to business.

Jake was now outraged, "Are you on crack? I did not murder anyone!"

"Oh yea? Explain how I found your fingerprints on the inside of my truck and on my engine." Bella stated throwing the crime scene pictures at him.

"Don't answer that." Leah advised. She was laughing internally as she remembered the conversation she had with Seth, who explained why Jake and the Cullens were arrested.

"I am not going to answer but counter question. How the hell is your truck involved in this?" Jake fired back.

"Because you murdered my truck! Admit it!" Bella yelled.

"What the hell are you on? This is about who murdered your truck?" Jake yelled back astonished.

"It has always been about my truck. Now I want you to answer the question." Bella stated in a low voice.

Leah turned to Jake, "You will incriminate yourself if you answer to that."

Jake shook his head, "I got no reason to lie because I did not do anything," Turning back to Bella he said, "I fixed your truck before giving it to Charlie to give to you. I drove your truck a few times that is why they would be in the truck."

Nodding and taking notes Bella asked, "Where were you on the night of June 20th 2010?"

Jake thought, "Running around kingdom come trying not to think about well..." Coughing he finished, "you and Edward getting married."

"Anyone with you?"

"No."

"So you have no alibi and you have motive."

"What? No! That is not what I said!" Jake said outraged.

"Told you would incriminate yourself." Leah sighed.

"Face it! You could not stand to see me happy at that time! So you decided to murder my truck in cold blood." Bella concluded.

Leah sighed, "You are putting words into my client's mouth and quite frankly I do not appreciate the treatment you are giving my client detective."

Jake glared hard fighting the urge to phase, "I did not kill your truck. Yes I was mad at you for choosing the bloodsucker, but I would never hurt you."

"I heard that one before."

"Detective watch it…" Leah warned, "My client has been cooperative with you so far."

Bella looked at Jake and said, "But yet you admitted to me once before that you were happy when it was gone right?"

"As in the fact that if it stayed at my house I would have to drive it; then yes I was happy it was gone and your father brought it. I was happy to work on the Rabbit and drive that instead of the truck." Jake said slowly. Bella nodded and continued writing notes so he took this opportunity to say offhandedly, "Although I would not put it past Edward to do something like this…after all the leech did everything to keep you from seeing me a few times…I wouldn't put it past him to harm your truck…"

Bella stopped writing to look at him, "Go on."

Before Jake answered Leah spoke up and said to Jake, "Wait a minute." Turning back to Bella, "What can you offer my client?"

Bella thought, "Immunity and he walks free if he tells me what he knows."

"What makes you think he knows something?" Leah asked.

Bella pointed at his face, "He is wearing the classic 'shit eating grin' on his face for starters."

Leah looked at Jake and asked, "Did you ever hear of the term 'poker face'?"

"Sorry never played poker." Jake said shrugging.

"My brother looks up to you why?" Leah asked sighing.

"I don't know." Jake stated.

Sighing again Leah said, "He will take it."

Jake nodded and said, "I think the Pixie, Blondie, and Mind Reader have been involved…things just seem pretty intense when this mess started after Doctor Fang and Esme were taken by Seth to be interrogated."

"Would you testify this in court?" Bella asked.

Jake gawked at her, "Would you really bring this to court?"

Bella shrugged, "I do not know, but would you?"

"Sure I guess."

"Can we leave now?" Leah asked bored.

Bella nodded and got the door, "Yea sure."

**4:30 pm**

**Cell Hall**

***CHUM CHUM***

"I swear to god I heard it again!" Emmett yelled.

"Heard what?" Jasper groaned.

"That transition noise! My god are you deaf man?" Emmett yelled pacing.

Rose sighed, "So the dog gets to leave and we are still stuck in this joint? How is this the almighty justice system?"

"I do not know but if I do not get out of here I am going to flip." Alice replied.

"Hey you guys got a visitor." Seth said coming in.

"Nessie?" Edward asked happy to see his daughter.

"Hi Daddy! I got you something!" She held out a box when Seth walked away to talk with Bella

Edward took the box but it was snatched out of his hand by Emmett, "Dude it is a freaking cake."

Jasper snatched it, "Cake is better than cookies." And he took it in the corner of the cell.

"Still on about the cookies?" Alice asked.

"Yes yes I am." Jasper replied not turning to face her.

"I made it myself well part of it…the rest was Grandma." Nessie stated proudly.

"What kind?" Emmett asked.

Nessie looked around and waved Edward close and whispered in his ear, "The kind that will help you all escape." Looking around again she said, "I saw it in a movie with Paul, Embry, and Quil earlier today."

"How will it help us?" Edward asked.

"Look in between the layers and you will find what you need." Nessie whispered she thought about what she put in it and Edward smiled at the genius plan. Knowing her daddy got it she loudly said, "Well hope you all enjoy it. Bye guys." And she waltzed out.

Edward sighed and turned to Emmett, "Ok where is that cake?"

"Jasper took it," Emmett said.

"Jasper where-" Edward stopped when Jasper turned around, "What the hell did you do?"

Everyone was looking at the empath who had chocolate frosting all over his face, "Nothing."

Edward was seeing red. He took Jasper by the collar and shook him hard, "You blundering idiot! You ate our source of escape from this hellhole of a prison!"

"What? What is wrong?" Rose asked shocked at how Edward lost it.

"There was a lock pick in the cake! We could have picked the damn lock and escaped but this imbecile ate it!"

"YOU WHAT?" Alice yelled.

"I just wanted something sweet to eat…" Jasper started to sob, "I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON!"

"You are an idiot that is what you are!" Emmett yelled.

"I excepted something like this from Emmett!" Rose yelled.

"Yea! She expected something like this from me!" Emmett yelled then thought for a moment, "Hey what a minute…"

"Nice." Alice said.

They sat quietly as the doors opened again and Seth appeared, "Jasper."

"Great." Alice said as her husband was escorted out.

"Five bucks he cracks in ten minutes." Emmett said putting his hand out to Edward.

"I give it five." He responded and they shook on it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Law and Order: TTTVU**

They sat quietly as the doors opened again and Seth appeared, "Jasper."

"Great." Alice said as her husband was escorted out.

"Five bucks he cracks in ten minutes." Emmett said putting his hand out to Edward.

"I give it five." He responded and they shook on it.

**5pm**

**Interrogation Room with Jasper Whitlock Hale**

***CHUM CHUM***

"That sound is getting old really fast." Jasper said annoyed.

"What sound?" Bella asked in a complete innocent tone with the face to match.

Jasper eyed her, "Are you kidding me?"

"Nope;" Came the brilliant response while she popped the 'p'.

Jasper shrugged and there was a moment of awkward silence. After a few minutes he finally asked, "So when is the interrogation going to start?"

"In a minute." Bella responded as she continued to doodle in her notebook.

Jasper just sat there and twiddled his thumbs trying to look calm and collected, but on the inside he was breaking emotionally. _This silence is killing me! How much longer is this going to take?!_ Jasper thought frantically to himself and he gave a fake cough.

"Did you say something?" Bella asked curiously, but on the inside she was proud to see that he was sweating.

"No. What makes you think that? I am not hiding anything…why would you think I am hiding something because I am not. Now if I was, I would tell you, but I am not so I won't." Jasper rambled. Bella gave a satisfied smirk like the cat that ate the canary.

So once again they fell into a silence. Then about ten minutes later:

"OK I CONFESS! I ATE THE CHOCOLATE ESCAPE CAKE! I STOLE ALICE'S LOUI VUITTON BAGS AND DESTROYED HALF HER CLOSET! IT WAS NOT EMMETT'S FAULT IT WAS MINE! I ALSO ATE ALL THE COOKIES IN THE COOKIE JAR AND BLAMED IT ON NESSIE! I ILLEGALLY JOINED THE CONFEDRATES IN THE CIVIL WAR! I LIED TO MY SUPRIOR OFFICER ABOUT MY AGE!" He started to cry and he through his head down on the table, "I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON!"

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Came the loud yelling of Edward and Alice.

"I DESTROYED ALL OF EMMETT'S VIDEO GAME STUFF FOR THAT!" Alice yelled.

"I GROUNDED NESSIE FOR EATING THOSE COOKIES!" Edward also yelled.

"I WIN THE BET!" Emmett's voice rang throughout the station.

"IDIOTS!" Rose's voice came next.

Bella just sat there and before she could say anything there was a knock at the door, "Come in."

Seth came in with a plate, "Here you go." And he placed it on the table.

"Thanks Seth." Bella said nodding at the retreating young shifter.

"Oh by the way," Seth turned to Jasper, "Dude you are weak."

"I know…" Jasper bowed his head in a shame like fashion as Seth closed the door.

Bella sighed, "It is ok Jasper. Everyone has their weak moments. Here," Bella took the wrapper off the plate, "have a cookie."

Jasper eyed the plate, "Why?"

"Well I heard what everyone wanted so I made it happen. I got Jake a lawyer and now I got you chocolate chip cookies. Is that not what you asked for?" Bella asked in mock confusion.

Internal struggles were raging inside Jasper. On the one hand he did want a cookie…he wanted it like a druggie wanted coke or something…but on the other hand he knew it was a trap…and he was a vampire that cannot stand human food so what was with this damn craving? Glaring at his sister-in-law he felt his hand reaching for the cookie. Before he can stop himself the hand found a nice gooey one and it was taken off the plate.

Bella was smiling like the Cheshire Cat as she said, "So despite that little triad I was just going to show you pictures of a crime scene and see if you had any information on it."

"Really?"

"Really really. Now do you recognize this?" Bella showed the same pictures that she had shown the previous 'suspects'.

"They are of your truck…" Jasper said as he took a bite of the cookie. Savoring the taste he sighed. Granted it was disgusting, but yet it was kind of ok.

"That it right. Now why did you murder it?" Bella growled.

"What?" Jasper asked grabbing another cookie.

"You heard me you lying bowl of puss! Why did you murder my truck in cold blood?"

"I did not do anything! I swear!"

"You confessed to me a whole bunch of lies and I am supposed to believe that you didn't not have anything to do with this?"

"Yes!" Bella eyed him a 'dude really?' look and Jasper back tracked, "Ok so I may have lied to the government, my wife, and my brother but I swear I did not murder anything!"

"You just told me that you are a terrible person and yet you still expect me to believe that?" Bella asked towering over her brother-in-law as he bit into the cookie.

Jasper's eyes got big and kind of watery as he threw in the classic sad puppy dog look. This was the mother of all looks, not even those sad anime faces could rival this. Hell even Bella's heart twinge a bit as he said in a soft voice, "I did not do it."

Bella groaned as she sat down again, "Then who did Whitlock?"

Jasper perked up as if he was giving the juiciest high school gossip story around. He did not even question the freaky mood swing that passed through him, "Well I heard Edward talking to Alice on that Monday who was talking to Rose who was talking to Jake who was talking to me who was talking to you who was talking back to Edward that went back to Emmett that he wanted to kill the freaking monster that was tarnishing your life style because he thought that you deserved so much more than what was given to you."

"So it all comes back to Edward it seems." Bella said mostly to herself but Jasper added, "And my wife and my sister."

"But now your other brother seems to be involved…"

Jasper kicked backed lazily as he took another cookie, "My brother from another mother…"

Bella gave him a questioning look, "What?"

"You heard me sista…Em's my homeboy yo! My brother from another mother! Sup B!" Jasper yelled as he leaned further back into the chair and it fell backward, "Ow! I am ok!"

"Ok you are done with these…" Bella said taking the cookies back as Jasper perked up, "No! My babies!"

"Seth!"

"No give me my babies!"

"What's going on?" Seth asked as he came into the room to see Jasper and Bella tugging on the plate.

"Please escort Mr. Whitlock out of the jail. We are finished."

"This is injustice! I want my babies back!"

"Here take them!" Bella said letting go and Jasper grabbed them and walked himself out.

Seth and Bella watched him go as Edward, Emmett, Rose, and Alice were yelling profanities at him. Jasper payed them no mind as he kept muttering, "My precious."

"Did I go overboard with the touchy feeling emotional rollercoaster?" Seth asked.

"Yea just a wee bit." Bella responded, "What the hell was with the last bit when he said 'homeboy'…?"

"I was in the moment you know…trying not to break character. Feel me girl?" Seth asked raising his hand and expecting Bella to take it.

Bella gave him a look, "No Seth…just no."

"No?"

"No."

"Too much?"

"Big time."

"We done?"

"For the night."

Edward saw Bella and Seth coming through the halls, "Hey honey?" He called innocently.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Can we leave please? It is rather late."

"It is late so I am leaving. Seth is going to keep watch."

"Excuse me?!" Edward yelled.

"Slumber Party! Hell Yes!" Emmett cheered.

"Wait we have to stay here overnight? What kind of BS is this?!" Rose yelled.

"Wait I have to sleep in the same outfit? That is INCONCIEVEIBLE!" Alice yelled.

Bella sighed, "One I do not think that word means what you think it means. Two you don't sleep. Three this is Detective Bella Swan that is what this BS is. Good night."

"For the record…Edward?" Rose called over.

"What?" Edward groaned.

"I blame you."

"I know."

As she walked out


	4. Chapter 4

**Law and Order: TTTVU**

**Next Day **

**9 am**

**Emmett McCarthy Cullen**

***CHUM CHUM***

Bella had come into work early and ordered Seth to bring in Emmett to the interrogation room. She had spent the night with her daughter, Carlisle and Esme had been in his study and when Jasper had finally come home he spent the night in the bathroom (no one wanted to know what he was doing before he had come home). Jake had gone back to La Push to beat the crud out of his 'pack' mates for the betrayal he had felt.

Then once Nessie was asleep she spent the remainder of the night outside in the backyard, standing on a pole on one leg. She had worn tight sweats and a ratty old t-shirt. She was doing some deep meditation and breathing exercises. All emotions had been turned off and she cleared her mind. She needed to be on top of her game for this…after all she wanted justice and for that she needed some focus. She had to be ready for everything…and for that she needed to train and reflect. Breathing deeply and ignoring the protests of her sisters and husband she entered the room were Emmett sat waiting.

Emmett was watching his favorite sister enter the room. She did not sit in her seat but instead sat on the corner of the table to his left. She opened a folder and placed it in front of him. He of course already knew what this was about…after all he heard the conversation about the truck in question from last night's go with Jasper.

"Look I do not know anything about your truck." He stated evenly not bothering to play games.

Now you may be thinking that this was rather out of character for our bear of a vampire, but a night in the slammer changes people. Of course you would be changed if your wife and siblings threatened your possessions that you valued so much. I.E: they threatened his videogames if he talked.

Bella didn't say anything, but instead got up and started to pace. She was silent as there was a knock on the door. Opening it without a word, Seth handed her a sack and gave Emmett a pitiful look. He had heard the threats the others made last night and being careful to block his thoughts from Edward he had texted Bella the details of the conversation.

Emmett noticed the look and watched as Seth closed the door. His calm demeanor was shattered slightly as a sickening feeling grew in his stomach, "What's in the sack?" He asked as Bella placed it in her chair.

Not saying a word Bella placed a sledge hammer on the table, "Why don't you tell me about my truck and what you know?"

"What the hell is with the sledge hammer?" Emmett countered question, anxiety building now. Where was Jasper when you need him?

"I will be the one asking the questions. Now you have one last chance: what do you know about the murder of my truck?" Bella all but snarled. She did not want to do this but if he did not start talking…this was going to hurt him more than it was going to hurt her, "I suggest you tell me."

Emmett eyed the hammer and the sack. He did not want to tell her anything…he was not a rat! He was a bear! Bears do not break easily! "Eat me!" And he spat at her.

Bella gave him a dirty look, "Tell me or I'll take this and I'll destroy it!"

He gasped as she pulled out his most prized possession out of the sack…his first Nintendo 64. He had gotten it the day it came out…in fact it was the first one to ever come on the market in the United States September 29, 1996. He had kept it safe in a secret compartment in the attic…no one knew where it was…so how did she? No! That was not the problem.

The problem was that his most prized possession was sitting on the table underneath the sledge hammer…and Bella was ready to strike it…smash it to pieces, "No not my Nintendo 64…anything but my Nintendo 64!" His eyes were wild pleading for his favorite sister not to do anything rash. But deep down he knew that this side of his sister was capable of committing the inhumane act that was to befall his precious if he did not give her what she wants…information about the murder.

"Alright then! What do you know?!" Bella yelled still holding the sledge hammer over the game console like the guillotine ready to sever a head from a body.

He sighed he had to think fast…distract her…he didn't want to rat out his wife and siblings but he did not want to lose his first game console either…then an idea struck, "Ok I'll tell you." Taking a deep breath again he said, "Do you know the muffin man?"

Bella had a look on her face and placed the sledge hammer down, "The muffin man?"

Emmett nodded, "The muffin man."

Bella scowled, "Yes I know the muffin man…who lives on Drury Lane?"

Emmett again nodded, "Well she's married to the muffin man."

"The muffin man?"

"The muffin man!"

Bella sighed and started to pace again, "She's married to the muffin man…" Then she suddenly stopped, "Wait a minute…who is married to the muffin man?"

"She is." Emmett said.

"And who is this she?"

"Uhm…a girl is married to a guy who makes muffins for a living?"

"What does this have to do with the murder of my truck?" Bella asked.

Emmett looked scared. The distraction tactic he learned from watching Shrek didn't work…but why didn't that work…oh yea because it was Bella…duh!

"D'OH!" He yelled in a Homer like fashion.

Bella got a gleam in her eye, "I really did not want to do this…but you forced my hand brother…" She turned picked up the hammer.

"No please…don't do it…please don't!" Emmett yelled as he started to make a grab for the hammer in her hands. Seth, who was watching through the glass, burst into the room to restrain the vampire.

Bella was beyond reason as she took aim, "You brought this upon yourself."

"NOOOO!"

**In the Jail Area**

**The remaining prisoners**

***Chum Chum***

"WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING TO HIM?!" Rose yelled while being restrained by Alice.

"Rose there is nothing we can do! Settle down!" Alice yelled trying to stop her sister from hurting herself as Emmett's cries of agony were being heard through the department.

"THE HELL THERE IS!" Rose snarled.

Edward was in shock…how was his wife who was: sweet innocent, loving, caring, an angel from heaven, able to cause such a heart retching cry of pain from someone as happy and carefree as Emmett?

Rose had eventually calmed down and they waited as the cries died down.

"Edward we have-" Alice eventually spoke up but was cut off.

"No. We are not saying anything about that night."

Rose snarled low, "Emmett is in pain because of you!"

"No and that is final, besides you are in just as deep as I am."

"This is not worth it! Just tell her what happened like you should have done a long time ago."

Alice sighed wishing she could see the result, "Edward-"

"Alice stay out of this please."

"No Edward you dragged me into this so I really can't stay out of it. With that said I agree with Rose. We have to confess."

Edward was about to retort when the sound of doors opening made him stop. Seth was helping a distraught Emmett who in his hands held broken pieces of what used to be his Nintendo 64…

"Em honey…" Rose called holding out her hand trying to touch him.

Emmett stopped at the cell and showed her the pieces in his hands, "I waited in line in front of Toys R Us for three days Rosie…three days for Nindy…"

"Em…I'm so-"

Emmett shook his head and without looking at her he walked out. Bella in the meantime smiled evilly as Seth reappeared at her side, "Did you really have to do that? The guy waited for three days for that and you destroyed it."

Bella upon hearing that allowed her evil smile to fall and rolled her eyes, "No I didn't."

Seth looked at her, "I saw you take the hammer and-"

"Seth I may be evil but I am not that evil. I wanted answers and I knew based on your message that he would not talk. When it comes to family Emmett is very protective and would never do or allow anything to hurt Rose. When you mentioned that Emmett's videogames were in jeopardy I knew what I had to do. So naturally I went to Esme and asked what game meant the most to Emmett and when she decided the Nintendo I went out and got one that was the exact match." Seth looked at his step-sister wide eyed. Bella scoffed when she saw his expression, "Please will you give me some credit? I would not be that cruel to someone."

"But wait he thinks it is really gone Bells…"

Bella again smiled evilly, "When you stepped out after he told me information I told him it was a ploy. The console was not real that it was still safe and that was not his game console. As proof I showed him the receipt."

Seth watched in amazement as Bella walked away calling over her shoulder, "Send Blondie in next in five minutes will you?"

Shaking his head as the interrogation door shut behind her he thought, never piss off Isabella Marie Swan Cullen.


End file.
